i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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