why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm too high and old for this...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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