His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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