remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so let's talk penis.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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