I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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