Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
