I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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