He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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