Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
