why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
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Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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