ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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