I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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