fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
