I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
