we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My pussy is not your playground.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
