just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
