five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize