so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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