Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
