MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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