Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
