and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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