Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Four minutes until I can fart!
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
