I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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