I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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