CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
