Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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