This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
