we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I know her cup size but not her name....
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