I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
