He kissed a someone with a penis
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
