i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize