my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
