drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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