Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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