My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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