Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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