You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
