We're facebook friends in real life
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
