we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
