are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
