The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
