So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
