maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
