i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
