I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
