Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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