I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
