They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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