i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
