Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
