forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
