I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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