Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
