I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
