Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
