Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
