part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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