Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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