I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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