he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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