I don't usually arrange sex via text message
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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