She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
