oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
