I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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