Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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